


Pia Desideria

by MrMissMrsRandom



Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Discussions of devotion, Friendship, Gen, Lukas slowly on the path to self-fulfillment, Unlike many of his knightly peers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23282473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrMissMrsRandom/pseuds/MrMissMrsRandom
Summary: In his search for the meaning of his existence, Lukas found he had a lack of capable mentors.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Pia Desideria

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MarkoftheAsphodel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarkoftheAsphodel/gifts).



“Clive!”

“Mathilda!” 

Lukas’s neutral smile twitched, ever so slightly, when he saw the two leaders of the Deliverance fall into each other’s arms. He should be happy for them. In some ways, he thought he was: here, Clive was back with the woman he loves, no longer a hostage of Desaix. The Order of Heroes had also gained another strong ally in their cause. 

Yet, Lukas remembered the nights that he heard Clive weep in his tent when Mathilda was kidnapped, how he rationed his own supplies so Clive could have some strongly brewed tea. How they poured over strategy after strategy, and how Clive chose him to be the envoy to Ram Village to convince Sir Mycen to join their cause. He had thought, after all that, perhaps-- 

No, that was his first mistake. ‘Perhaps’ did nothing. It was only a faint and unattainable wish. To think ‘perhaps’ he found someone invested in enough to follow, to find a dream in when he had no way to discover one where the life a soldier placed him. It was foolish. 

It also served no purpose: for all he could wish, he was more efficient as he appeared to be: cold, detached, practical. 

He left the two love birds to their happiness to try and find something productive to do. 

* * *

And that was how he spent his days: assisting the Order of Heroes, going on patrols, fighting in the arena. He existed in this space, but he knew that he also did not. If he fell, he would simply be resummoned through Breidablik. In some ways, it reminded Lukas of Mila’s Turnwheel, yet while that ancient relic was finite, Breidablik had unlimited capabilities in the hands of the right wielder. 

A tool, a weapon. That was what Lukas was supposed to be, yet day by day he felt his edge grow duller. The tedium of the same thing, be it fighting or furlough time. He thought that with Hel’s army, perhaps things would grow more interesting, but it all ended just the same, and they returned to as they were before. Sure, they gained more allies as much as enemies, and relations between Askr and Embla seemed not as fraught as before. But this didn’t change Lukas’s life all that much. The war went on, without end in sight. And here they all remained.

He didn’t seek out to check on Clive’s condition as time passed, and he even distanced himself from Clair and the children from Ram Village. He did not see his presence as necessary in a place like this when there were more knights than one could count in the order to assist their training. 

And then, that word. 

A knight!

Many knights, many different perspectives of what it meant to be devoted. Perhaps one of them could cast light on his current dilemma. 

Lukas took the first step in breaking through, by seeking out proper company. 

He first went to those among Lady Celica’s party, but mostly found mercenaries, save for the sisters from Macedon. However, despite serving the same lady, each had different responses.

Palla said, “For the sake of those I love.”

Catria said, “Duty to my country.”

Est said, “Well, I really wanted to learn how to fly a pegasus. But! I’ve left that life behind me. Just a shop keeper’s girl now! Here, let me show you this amulet I found--”

Lukas thanked all three and decided it would be for the best to branch out further. The answers he sought may not be from someone in his own time. 

* * *

“Good morning, Sir Frederick. Might I ask… what are you doing?”

“Ah, I recognize that voice. Good morning, Sir Lukas.” He responded but did not look up from his razor-eyed focus on the path, his gauntlet-free hand moving deliberately over it, only to then fling a pebble back with practiced efficiency. “Simply one of my daily tasks as a retainer to Lord Chrom and Lady Lissa.” 

“I see,” Lukas replied. “And that task is perhaps… landscaping?”

“Of a sort,” Frederick responded, flinging another pebble away. “Every morning before milord comes to the west training grounds to spar, I diligently oversee the path to ensure there are no exceptionally large pebbles that may cause him to trip.”

Lukas thought he misheard. “... Excuse me, but did you say pebbles?”

“I certainly did.” The knight replied, getting to his feet, then walking to the side to reattach his gauntlet. “Milord and milady are the only living family of our country’s leader, the gracious Exalt of the Halidom of Ylisse. If any misery should befall them, I would consider it my sole responsibility for not properly addressing my duties.”

“Yet in the Order of Heroes, are we all not considered equal?” Lukas pressed, now expecting less of a genuine answer and more to see how Frederick would react. “Comrades, regardless of where we come from, and which paths we take in our lives back home?”

Frederick looked at him as if he was the War Father himself that came to take his soul. 

“I am a knight, Sir Lukas,” Frederick answered, voice stern. “That does not change. Whether I am in an unknown land or the fires of hell, I have a duty to my lord and lady.” He then began to march back up the path. “Now, if you excuse me,  _ sir _ , I will return to my duty.”

Lukas was left alone along the long and winding path, more confused than ever. When he spoke to Chrom about it later, to see if the prince appreciated the lengths Frederick would go for him and his sister, he was met with disappointment.

“Ah, I’ve told him time and time again he wastes energy that could be put to use on the battlefield. Gods, even to his own leisure. But, he never listens.” Chrom sighed. “Sir Lukas, do you think you could talk some sense into him? You seem to be the practical sort.”

“I apologize, Lord Chrom.” Lukas smiled to hide his mix of relief and distaste. “It is not my place to get in the way of what a knight views as his duty.” 

* * *

A few days later, with help from Lady Nanna, Lukas found the area of the gardens the legendary knight of Leonster spent his free time. He walked until he came across a small wall of bluebells that concealed the cracked stone bench the knight sat at from view. From the back, it was as if the man was emerging from the flowers, polished lance in hand. 

Lukas briefly shook his head, as if to toss out such a fanciful thought, before walking around the flowers, with a firm enough step so he would be noticed. 

Though he was a decade older than him, Lukas did not see much difference at all in their looks. Finn retained the visage of a young squire, with the only sign of his age being in the firm cast of his eyes. Lukas had seen that in the eyes of enemies before. It was one who had spent too much time on the battlefield, had seen too many men fall before they did. 

“Good afternoon, Sir Finn.” 

Finn did not speak but gave him a nod of greeting. 

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

His head shook, but Finn did not face him again. Lukas sat down on the other side, the one where Finn’s lance was not resting. Once facing forward, he was able to see what Finn was looking at. 

It was Prince Quan of Leonster, his lady wife, Ethlyn of Chalphy, and their son, Prince Leif. They were too far away to make out their discussion, but Prince Quan just threw his head back in laughter and reached over to tousle Leif’s hair, which Ethlyn then righted back in place, as the prince’s head bowed shyly. 

A scene of a perfect family, reunited. Yet, with how it was, it felt that there were parts of it missing. 

“You are watching over them from so far away, why is that?” Lukas asked. 

It was only then that Finn spoke, the deepness in his voice another indicator of his age. “I wish for them to enjoy their peace together, without interruption.” 

Lukas frowned. From what he knew of Jugdrali history-- the Yied Massacre, the Fall of Leonster, they all point to Finn’s devotion not only to Leif, but especially to his parents. 

“But you missed them, too.” 

“But I knew them,” Finn replied. “Lord Leif did not. He was only a babe when they were killed. He deserves this time with them more than I ever will.”

Lukas knew the better thing to do would be to remain quiet, to wait for more. If he pressed a man like Finn, he feared he would never speak. 

It took more time and more watching of the happy family’s antics, But Finn’s fingers reached over and gripped his lance tightly, his knuckles white with the strength of the grip.

“I will always have my memories,” Finn said, softly. Lukas waited for more but received nothing else. 

As they sat on that bench, outsiders, Lukas began to think whether or not Finn wanted to speak to his lord. Time changed people, and it changed your perspective on them. When one person used to be the center of your world, did that mean they could ever measure up to your memory when you were young? Finn was in a unique position, as was Prince Quan and Lady Ethlyn. Yet, neither attempted to cross the divide. 

But, Finn still remained an ever-present knight, emerging from the blossoms. 

An hour passed, and Lukas was at his limit. He excused himself, then walked straight to the training grounds, and then stabbed his lance into a training dummy until it was nothing but a pile of hay. 

“No, not that. Anything… but that.” Lukas rasped out in his exertion. His search would continue. 

* * *

“Oh, hey, there he is.” 

“Hold, Python. Perhaps we should come at another time. He seems to be working diligently on his training. It wouldn’t be fair to break him out of his routine.”

“Only you could think it’s a bad idea to talk to someone while they’re exercising, Fors.” 

“Oh hush up. We’ll talk with Lukas later, if the Summoner doesn’t tell him first.”

* * *

Lukas spent the rest of the day and evening after talking with Finn in a daze. He did his routine without much thought as to why he was, and as per usual, many people left him to his business. He was making his way to the mess hall, only to find that his usual corner was occupied, and his mind was set back into control, having to find another seat. 

“Hey, there’s a free spot here if you like.” 

Lukas turned to see a woman a few years older than himself, arm raised to beckon him close. She had vibrant red that fell down her back in a thick braid, and dressed in clean, but obviously well used, armor. He had seen her a few times before on the battlefield, and they were in a squad once or twice. Dame Titania, of the Greil Mercenaries. 

A mercenary  _ and _ a knight! 

“Thank you, I will gladly take up your offer.” Lukas settled in the seat across from Titania, and they both began the usual small talk as they ate. Titania was level-headed and strong, but had years of experience leading people. Surely, she would have an idea on what Lukas should do. 

“Pardon me, Dame Titania. But I am curious…”

“About how I view the job of a knight?” Titania filled in. 

Lukas let out a small huff of a laugh. “Word has spread, hm?”

“A bit.” Titania smiled before her expression grew more pensive. “I am not sure if I could give you a clear cut answer. Though I was trained as a knight of Crimea, I’ve now been a mercenary longer than when I trained as a knight. I still attempt to hold the same lessons I learned in training, but the reality of war is not always so cut and dry.”

Lukas felt like a weight was starting to lift from his shoulders. 

“However, I must say… I had a good teacher.”

“A teacher?” 

“Greil.” Titania said, a mix of fondness honeying the name. Lukas felt something inside him shrivel from it. “He showed me what it took to be a leader, and I feel… grateful, that I get to see his children grow more and more into their own every day.” 

“... Ike became the leader of your company.” Lukas said.

“Yes. And I stayed on as another hand and advisor. The Greil Mercenaries are my family now.”

“Yes, of course.” Lukas felt his voice grow softer. “But, forgive me if I press too much, but when Greil died, why did you not step into command?”

“Hmm…” Titania stirred some more honey into her tea. “I think I never saw myself as a leader. Perhaps I would have, if the circumstances deemed it necessary, but I felt like that would limit the children’s potential. If I simply fought all their battles, what would become of them if I died too?” 

Lukas wanted to argue that many things could happen, but that wouldn’t change a thing. “... I see, thank you.”

“I don’t think I did much, but you’re welcome, Sir Lukas.” 

They both finished their meal and went to their separate tasks for the day. Unbeknownst to either, they had been watched.

“Well by the mother’s tits, it looks like our boy struck out.” 

“Python, Dame Titania and Lukas are colleagues! Surely you would never think that--”

Their bickering continued for some time.

* * *

Lukas had found a green hill with no one else around. It reminded him of his childhood home along the borderlands, where one could sometimes see changes of season between the endless harvest Mila’s bounty had once provided. He used to watch and wait for the grass to grow green again, and then sneak out to lie there with a good book, feeling the plants spring up around him, if he was still enough.

He wished he could go back to that time. Before the world taught him what he felt was wrong, before it seemed the only way through it is to make yourself a martyr or drive yourself mad. 

“Hey, you!” 

Lukas’s eyes opened, and he pulled himself up to see Commander Anna coming over, holding a flag.

“Time to move out, this is the perfect spot to set up my kite fundraiser!”

“A kite fundraiser?” Lukas echoed, too out of sorts to think of a properly biting remark.

“Do you think the Askr coffers are endless? We have to find ways to make ends meet!” Anna stabbed her flag into the ground very close to his stomach, making him roll away. “This place is perfect to attract merchants, citizens, even heroes with a bit of extra coin…”

“So they simply recycle their hard-earned pay back to the cause.” Lukas said bluntly, getting to his feet.

Anna shrugged. “The thing about a free market is that anyone can choose what they want to purchase if they have that extra income. Besides, money helps business thrive, and the Order of Heroes, included with all the true and noble goal things, is a business. If you don’t have money, the business will suffer!”

“Is that so,” Lukas looked at the flag furling in the wind. “... Even you, Commander, seemed to always be focused on work.”

“Hold on there, Lukas,” Anna responded. “The Order is my job, true. And I take my job very seriously. But if I was a stern, no-nonsense Commander all the time, I’d go nuts. I enjoy making profits, so I combine them sometimes with my regular work to spice things up. But the point is, I do have a  _ life _ outside of work.”

Anna then began to march down the hill. “Be gone before I get back, or I’ll make you do more work. Get a hobby, or a vice, or, heck, maybe some friends!”

“You sound like Princess Sharena.” Lukas called back, and was answered with a hand gesture he did not recognize. However, he began his trek down, and considered Anna’s words. Was it really all that there was on the path of life? A job that you work at, and then eventually you die? How strange. It was so… open-ended, and, surprisingly… freeing?

Just then, he overheard another conversation. 

“Come on, Rod. I swear I’ll win it all back, I just need a little extra help!”

“Luke, if your memory was as good as your words, you would know you’ve said the same thing to me many times before.”

Two figures in armor. They seemed to be friends, and oddly familiar to Lukas, though he did not know them. 

“However… I will lend you the money.”

“You will? Oh man, you’re a lifesaver-- ow, owowowowow…”

“And  _ you  _ will be accompanying me to the Arena this week to earn all of that back, right?”

“Right, just-- I promise, just let go of my ear!”

As the pair went about their business, Lukas was hit with a realization. Had he asked the Summoner if Python and Forsyth had come? What if he was neglecting people whose company he enjoyed, all for a search on what-ifs in devotion? Could this entire quest have led him to look at things the wrong way? 

Yes. 

He had never believed in devotion, so why start now? Why pin his hopes for ‘more’ on some ideal he has seen time and time again fail? 

He would rather have friends than ideals. 

* * *

“As I was tellin’ you, you gotta-- oh, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

“Greetings to you too, Python. And you as well Forsyth. I apologize for my tardiness.” 

“No trouble at all, Lukas. We are happy to have your company-- Python, that was on his plate!” 

“Payment for being so scarce lately.”

“It’s quite alright. Askr is more bountiful than Zofia at the moment, and there is still plenty of food to go around. 

The three knights of the Deliverance continued with their meal. Python gave him his dessert in repayment for the sausage he stole, and Forsyth talked about strategy books he found throughout the library he wished to discuss. He also mumbled that he heard about “Loog and the Maiden of Wind,” which might be of interest to Lukas for some light reading.

It felt just like before, and as Lukas tucked into his custard and berries, he felt at peace with the future, whenever it may come. 


End file.
